Maybe You’ll Run From Me

Today I told someone the truth. About everything. My secrets have been eating me alive and it felt good to finally tell someone. I think it was just as good to hear it out loud… I thought there would be some kind of explosion if I came clean… like the nice men in the white coats would appear out of nowhere and drag me away to the looney bin. But they didn’t. She told me she was sad for me, and for some reason, that was satisfying to a certain degree. Instead of someone telling me to calm down or that I was wrong, she made me feel like I was completely entitled to my feelings. I felt as if she wouldn’t judge anything i had to say, and it all just came out. All of it. More than I’ve told anyone for awhile. And for once, I guess I didn’t feel so alone.

I came home and ate an omelette and half a bagel. My body is rebelling against it, but I am remaining very very still, praying that my stomach can handle it. Lately my stress hasn’t really allowed me to eat… much at all. It’s like when I left for LA and I really couldn’t eat. I feel fuller than I’ve been in a really long time.

I feel as if I should focus my energy on what I need to do when I get to New York to make myself happy. I have some ideas, but I don’t want to get there yet. We’ll see if I even make it at this point.

I’m not sure what I meant to be talking about, but I need to go to sleep. I only got three hours of sleep last night and it’s starting to catch up with me.

It was nice to watch the sunrise though.