Yikes.
July 9, 2009
This is the 4th time I’ve started this post and I’m really starting to believe that I shouldn’t be writing today.
Quick shout out to my mother, who gets to start reading the blog today. Watch out, Mom. I use a lot of bad words and sometimes I’m “vulgar,” but it’s honest, and if there’s anything I know I can be with you, it’s completely honest. Welcome 
Dad and lil Bro are in town until Saturday morning. Last night, I already abused their stomachs by bringing them to Fette Sau where we binged on meat and beer way too late in the evening for it to be healthy. Today they’re off to the Guggenheim and MoMa – it’s Brobro’s first time in NYC, so I hope he’s gettin the full happy meal on this one… it’s certainly not his last time here…
I have one particularly annoying crisis going on. I can’t talk about it. I won’t talk about it. I have talked about it, and i realized it gets me nowhere. I have to shelf it, and look at it when the time comes. I know one of my greatest flaws is worrying about things before they happen. I think of the worst possible results (remember “worst case scenario”?) and stress out about how I am going to deal with it. I feel like this issue wouldn’t be there if I knew what my “dream scenario” was. If I knew exactly what I wanted, I would go after it, and this wouldn’t be a problem. But this is a serious fork in my road. A really fucking big fork. We’re talking like a serving fork – like one with two giant prongs that you use to hold a roast still or turkey or something while you slice it up with a big knife. I’m missing the knife; I’m missing the risk. I just have to wait until it slaps me in the face… I’m going to have to think on my toes, make an instinctive decision, and accept the consequences as a part of life.
Oof. See? Now I’m too far in. This is what I was trying to avoid. But I can’t start this post over AGAIN because my hands are starting to hurt and I have to pee. I know if I leave my computer, I’ll lose what I was thinking and then I’m effed. Have to finish now.
Okay, in conclusion, my brain hurts, I’m gonna be playing with pops and bro this week, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I love my Mom.
That is all. For now.
