Burn After Reading

November 8, 2008

The last thing you should do when you’re feeling shitty about yourself is go to a bar with a group of hot girlfriends who play the game “lets see who can get more drinks bought for them.” I don’t have any problem with the game (I wish I could play it myself.) But when you feel like you’re the ugly motherfucking duckling, its the most horrible thing to witness. All of your friends are getting attention while you wallflower it up and wish you had gotten that nose job when you had asked for it several christmases ago, because maybe, just maybe, that would give you a better chance.

I am never going to find anyone. Moving to New York is just going to make it worse: I’ll have less girlfriends to go out with and even less guy friends that I could take advantage of (the current count: 0)

I’ve been picking up bad habits lately that are not healthy. Like not at all. Nights like this put me in the mindset that this is okay, and I’m doing the right thing after all because they’re the only things that will give me a chance. Goddamnit it’s ridiculous. I am not an eharmony success story and I’m afraid I’m going to hit my scary age (34) and be unmarried and have an apartment full of cats or puppies to fill the void.

I am completely down right now and I wish there were some way to get out of it. I’ve been like this for a few weeks now, and tonight was really a catalyst on the bullshit meter. I miss being cared about. I fucking miss that. Tonight just makes me feel like I’ll never feel that again.

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2 Responses to “Burn After Reading”

  1. Alex said

    “I am not an eharmony success story and I’m afraid I’m going to hit my scary age (34) and be unmarried and have an apartment full of cats or puppies to fill the void.”

    The deposit on your apartment would be a lot less if you just waited and found the right boy. Lord knows these things take time. With the proper amount of failure anyone can succeed.

  2. Jackie said

    Alienating friends who actually do give a shit about you is not really a way to help this problem, you know?

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