Cracked. Broken. Shattered.

December 30, 2008

It’s been quite an adventure thus far. Being so isolated (not as much as it used to be, surprisingly) gives me a lot of quiet in my brain… but not the sort of quiet you’d expect. More like it’s too quiet, and my brain just keeps bringing up things I shouldn’t be thinking about. I’m trying to silence it by reading and writing down random thoughts and passages to expand on later, but there’s a serious lack of distraction. And when I’m not busy, I kind of lose my shit.

I fear my overreaction upon my return to Corvallis after affectively avoiding it for so long… I might have to ground myself just to make sure I don’t get into trouble.

I sent off the final paperwork for my lease this morning, so I’m fo sho moving into the place I really wanted in bklyn. I’m amped and can’t wait to pack up and haul over there. I can’t wait to hang out with everyone I know who is already over there. I can’t wait to be within walking distance to the Daieli (or the Daioli – Dopest apartment I once lived in… but i didnt really live there, so whatever.)

Life is pretty good. I’m trying to train myself into a new way of living. It’s an interesting process thus far. I’m trying to panic less. I’m trying to give less of myself to people that give me attention, but clearly can’t be trusted or really care about my well being. Listen and observe more. Remain active in my own life, but participate instead of control.

It feels weird to write these things down, but I think it’s a step in the right direction. At least that’s what I’m going to tell myself… for now.

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