I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier.

March 21, 2009

I find work sometimes to be a challenge. I take the most mundane tasks so intensely. And if I do something wrong but feel I’m not responsible for it, I take it really personally.

I hate that I take my work so seriously and personally.

I feel like too much of my emotion is tied up in my work. I think thats probably why I’ll be an effective mother. Not the BEST one, but an effective one. I spent an hour and a half (untipped, at minimum wage) entertaining a woman’s daughter, after she brought her to the spa while she got her facial. Ridiculous. My boss realized what was going on and told me I’ll be a really good mother one day. I don’t think anyone has ever told me that before.

I hate that one of my greatest fears in life is that I’ll be a poor mother because I will never be as good as my own.

After work, I met Matt and Stef on the LES and walked through shops and meandered deeper into Manhattan. Was past by Amir from College Humor and pointed him out. Matt proceeds to yell out his name. (Anyone remember Jimmy Fallon-gate of OH-SEVS.) and Amir practically jumps and turns around. Introductions and so forth and I’m completely incapable of saying anything worthwhile. I’m mortified. I don’t know why. It’s inexplicable how silly it is. God. Mortified.

I hate that I get embarrassed when I really shouldn’t care; my overly self-consciousness constantly plays into my insecurities.

Which is worse: to care too much or not care enough?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: