“Why I hate the world pt.1” or “I am an oversensitive shmuck”

March 26, 2009

I’d just like to preface this by saying this is not a pretty post. I am not nice, a lot of this may be hard to follow, and I’m not gonna censor myself because it’s been a really long day and goddamnit this shit is building up inside me and I’m ready to pop a cap in someones face. BLAM.

Last night was badass, but I had a really rough morning. Five hours of sleep on an unsettled stomach and then dreading going to work. I arrived five minutes early (per usual) and was greeted by my boss, who went on to ask me what she needed to change to make the job better.
“Less time. More money.”
“Impossible.”
(per usual.)
She then proceeded to tell me that she’d asked around and everyone made their receptionist work 10 hours without breaks and making minimum wage. I practically laughed.

Work started off pretty much per usual… me bored and waiting for things to happen… almost everyone in the salon came up to me and mentioned they heard I quit and wanted to know why. I’m sick of talking about it, frankly. I’m quitting, that’s kind of all you need to know… and then of course the lower-level employees start chatting, and then the head stylist’s assistant says something I couldn’t believe.
“You know who I hate? Teh Jews.”
First, yeah, she said “teh” but not on purpose. And second, yes, she said JEWS.
She and other stylist assistant suddenly get into a RAGING conversation about how mean hasidic jews are and what terrible people they are. I can’t believe my ears.
I basically picked my jaw up off the floor and confronted her about it. She basically sounded like a psychopath going on and on about her bad experiences with hasidic jews (mind you, all of the higherups in the salon/spa are ALL JEWISH) and the other stylist decides that it’s time to attack me.
“How many hasidic jews have you met?”
“A few. And they’ve all been very polite.”
“Yeah. We’ll what would you do if one of them called you white trash?”
“I don’t think that would happen but I’d feel bad for them because they’re clearly confused about what white trash is.”
She seemed to not think it was very funny and proceeded to point out that I didn’t live in New York for very long (thanks) and that I had no idea what I was talking about because they didn’t have any hasidic jews from where I was from.
editors note: I feel like I have at least as much New York street cred as she does because she’s a self-tanning, obviously from New Jersey, bridge and tunneler. Harsh, but true.

After this conversation, I did not talk to these girls for the rest of the day. Had it been brought up again, I probably would have lost my shit. Lost it.

Alright, so I did speak to one of them again, very briefly, but she made my up my mind for me that I never had to speak to her again and I would be okay. Here’s how it went:
Her: “Have you seen the movie **********”
Me: “No. But I’d really like to, I’ve heard it was great. Didn’t ******** get nominated for a golden globe or something for it?”
Her: “Yeah! It was great! It was really good. ***** was great and the ending is kind of sad though, you know? The movie is great but it’s sad because in the end she dies.”
Me: “Hold up. Did you just ruin the movie for me?”
Her: “Huh?”
Me: “Did you just tell me how the movie ends? You just ruined the movie.”

She just kind of stared at me blankly, sneered a little bit maybe. God, I’m so done.

After a hellish day at work, I grabbed an abandoned umbrella and practically ran home as I do every night. Jumped on to the train and accidently bumped a girl’s knee with my umbrella.
“Sorry.” I said. My headphones were in, but she looked up at me and gave me a REALLY nasty look. We’re talking like if I poked her in the face with my umbrella, or if I poked her baby in the face with an umbrella (there was no baby). I had poked her in the knee, and she was a bit batshit.
She immediately turned to her friend and started talking shit about me. I couldn’t hear much over my music (thank GOD) but I did hear the following:
“Girl, she just hit me in the knee with her umbrella. Let me tell you what I’d do with that umbrella if she come at me again…”
“I APPOLOGIZED, OKAY? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” Okay, sure, it was a bit louder than I planned (thanks ipod headphones) and everyone turns and looks. The girl looks up at me again, same nasty look, and goes back to talking to her friend.
I keep to myself, and two stops later the fat ass friend (yeah, now I’m mad) picks up her coat and ish off the seat so some other idiot can sit down, and she sees her umbrella and laughs: “I apologized okay?”
She knows I heard her, and if looks could kill, the subway would have run over this ho.

Finally made it home through the cold and rain (was inappropriately dressed per usual) and made it into the apartment. I was reunited with my cell phone, which I had left at home this morning (see: 5 hours of sleep) and was excited to see how many people had called/texted/what have you.
Oh look. Only my therapist called and left me a message. Nobody else. Nice.

Today was a weeee mindfuck, and frankly, all I want to do is go through the motions and pass out. Unfortunately, I have to abide by a new system that I’ve set up for my general health. So far, it sucks. Ugh.

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately… today I it almost sent me into a slight panic, and I went to go for my phone to call my mom and calm down a bit, but when I remembered I didn’t have my phone, I had no choice but to breathe myself out of panic… it kind of worked. I started writing down everything that was making me panic, which kind of helped, and also kind of reiterated what was bugging the shit out of me.

I’m having a bit of a heart struggle. I’m not sure what I can say, or if I even should say, anything. For now, radio silence. But later, SSN is probably back in the building, by default…

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