Make it Good

July 14, 2009


If it’s on it’s on for good
Coz when it’s gone it’s gone for good, let me tell you
And if you stayed over, you know we would, if we could
Put it back together piece by piece
Put it back together
Make it good
If I
Breathe in the future, breathe out the past
Savour this moment as long as it lasts, let me tell you
Put it back together piece by piece
Put it back together
Make it good
If you stayed over I’d make it so sweet
I’d make you remember, baby, from your head to your feet
If you go now babe we’ll never know
If you go now babe we’ll never know
If you go now babe we’ll never know
How It Ends
So
Make it good

I woke up this morning and I wasn’t sure what was real yesterday and what I dreamed. The day was slow and only seemed to escalate later in the afternoon, but by the time I had gone out to drinks with some old friends from high school and returned home to my empty apartment, my brain was working double time. I did everything I could to distract myself, and yet, my brain still buzzed.

I just wrote my mother a 2k word email about all of this. It’s not easy. None of this is. It’s anxiety-enducing and almost undoes everything I’ve been working for. But maybe that’s right. Maybe this is what is, and what was, supposed to happen since the beginning. Since I was 16. Since forever ago.

But I can’t change my life for words anymore. It’s not enough. I’ve given into that too many times, and now I’ve learned my lesson… but believe me, every bit of me wants to. Every ounce, every drop, every fiber wants to trust it.

This is it. There’s no going back, is there?

It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.

I’ve known that this is what I’ve wanted since I left… when I was 18… that day on the playground where I sat on the swings and you said that this wasn’t an option. It wasn’t at the time… and it scares me that it is now. If it’s right, time and action will prove my doubts are wrong… but what I lack in patience, I make up for in faith. I will do my best to be as optimistic as possible that it will happen, one day.

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