Bangin on a trashcan… sitting on some bark mulch

July 15, 2009

Yeah, I know those aren’t the words to the song. Deal with it.

Today has been hellish to say the least. I got some work done RULL early on my novella/novel/who-the-fuck-knows-anymore and got assigned this really difficult project at work that gave me a non-ice cream related brain freeze. Called my mom. Emailed my dad. Yelled at my brother. Today has been just peachy.

The past few days I’ve felt overwhelming spells of anxiety. Much more than I have been in the past months. I thought I was doing really well… maintaining control of my thoughts and staying positive. People have seen a real difference in me (a positive one) and it’s nice. I really quite like it. I’ve adjusted to new Natalie.

Yet, these swells come much harder than they used to. Instead of festering swells, which they used to be, they come really hard and fast and all of a sudden I’m scrambling to find someone to confide in or distract me. It used to be all in my head, but now it’s spilling out of me.

Last night I realized I will never be able to keep my kitchen aid mixer, or my kitchen for that matter, as clean as my mother ever did. It was a really depressing moment I had… with a pile of warm chocolate chip cookies in my hand. (I’m not gonna lie, those may have been the best cookies I had ever baked. The consistency was SO GROOD.)

I want a puppy. Not really, but sort of. I think if things follow my imaginary timeline, next summer will be puppy time. Maybe. My hypothetical timeline could be way off. It could be December. It could be years… but right now I want this one, this one, and this one from arkansas i want rull bad. I know these puppies wont be available when I decide to get one, but I reeeeeeeeeeally want one please please pleeeeease.

Enough.

Today is busy for the rest of the day, meeting uptown, dinner with the boos, writing meeting with Ken, and then back to Brooklyn for… you know… PASSING OUT. (or something). The rest of this week is cluttered with photography shows and GLENNYKINS and my DVR and apartment showings and writing and trying to do my laundry and clean up my apartment… why do I always feel like I’m cleaning up my apartment? Maybe I should have let that girl who wanted to pay for the housekeeper live with me…

I hope everyone is having a better day than I ammmmmmm… AND SHES OFF!

(seacrest out)

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