The same, but different. Like milk without the milk.

October 13, 2009

I’m in a weird mood these days. A state somewhere between pure elation and a incapacitating stress-case that crawls in one ear and out the other. It makes me itchy – to sit still – to try to watch the blinking lights on a switch board and make lists of all the things I should be doing with my time.

You’ve got to…
You’ve got to…
You’ve got to…
Over and over. I cant stand the sight of an unchecked checklist. Just like I can’t handle having unread emails in my inbox, or looking at lonely produce in the fridge that I know I’ll never eat.

And everyone is telling me not to stress. Not to worry about all the things I feel I need to do. “You can do them next week,” they say, and sure, I can do them next week, but that means I look, I visualize an unchecked list. I could go on and on about why I think that I’m the way I am – needing to get things done immediately – call it grooming, conditioning, if you will. I create a serious level of expectation for myself in terms of performance, and I strive to live up to it. If I can’t reach my short term goals quickly, how will I ever get around to the long term ones?

Yaaaaaah. What a mess. I’ve got so much to do and so little time.

In happier news:
I figured out the way to keep myself from scratching the mosquito bites on my hands is by covering them in bandaids. With all of the bandages on my right hand, it looks like I kind of got in a fight with a pair of shredders or scissors or something.

Been working at Partizan this week. It’s been kind of fun to be back… this place is so familiar, but so foreign – like I know where they keep the pens and file folders, but it’s been forever since I’ve filled out a purchase order or balanced petty cash.

I’ve got a cool job interview Thursday that if offered, I’m not sure if I’ll take, but the opportunity sounds really cool. I feel like kind of an idiot walking into it, but I’m gonna put my best foot forward and give em the ol “Natalie owns the room” trick, through a webcam, because believe it or not, I’m having an interview in New York with the New York AND London office, via webcam. HOW CRAZY IS THAT? I love it. Fun. Scary. Oh GOD I’m a bit terrified.

Back to work. I think I need a cookie and some theraflu.


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