A Second Wind

October 26, 2009

Life ain’t so bad, kids.

Ever since I started subscribing to the church of Rev Run, I’ve been living by his “no risk, no reward” policy. Even my therapist endorsed it, as I am not much of a risk taker, and in plainer terms, a wuss. So I’ve been pushing myself further. I’ve honestly taken more risks in the last year than in my entire life. These last six months, since hearing the holy words of the Rev, have been particularly risky.

Those closest to me will say I have grabbed the bull by the horns, instead of the typical “there’s nothing I can do about this” attitude that I used to take. I’ve almost pulled a 180 – going from “helpless” to “overcontrolling.” But there is a middle ground, a sucessful one at that. And the risks that I have taken – the choices I have made to determine my own path – have proven sucessful so far. The only one that has failed (probably the most important one) is my risks in my employment. While I do not talk about my specific work in this forum, I will say that I have taken risk in my decision to not settle for a job that makes me unhappy or making HUGE networking risks in an attempt to find something out there that is inspiring for me. The job market is particularly horrid at the moment, and I’m still the little duckling that hasn’t just jumped into the water (believe me, I’m completely aware how fortunate that makes me) but a certain part of me has earned this time to figure it out.

I’m throwing myself to the wolves, guys. I’m trying to put my best foot forward and throw myself at any potential I can see sparkling from miles away… While a part of me just wants to quit and give up, the other is still cheering me on… weakly, like tried to start a slow clap and failed, but is cheering nonetheless.

I may threaten, but when I QUIT, when I really quit all of it, you’ll know.

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2 Responses to “A Second Wind”

  1. Emily said

    Hey Natalie Lewis. I knew you peripherally in high school. We were in the same French class. We had Katie Shaw in common. I always kind of thought you were cool in a way that stuck in my mind, so after all these years … since of course you’re still my friend on facebook, I’m friends with everybody I’ve ever known … I’m still peripherally aware of you. When I decided to start blogging (yesterday), I remembered your blog had shown up in my newsfeed from time to time, and you’re smart and enough like me that it seems sort of familiar to read. I like it. I still think you’re cool in a way that sticks in my mind.
    So…maybe we can be blog friends. Or at least I’m alerting you of my presence. I don’t really know if there’s such a thing as blog stalkers. It seems silly when you’re talking about public posts on the world wide web to be disturbed that people would read them. But I’m relieving myself of that vague implication…in a very long winded way.
    ~Emily Haymond

    • Hi Emily,

      I very clearly remember who you are and I wouldn’t say that Katie Shaw was our common link. I was also friends with your brother and we were in choir together as I recall.

      There are definitely blog stalkers. Beware.

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