April 12, 2010

For the first time in awhile I’m really REALLY single. We’re talkin no real prospects people, and THIS is the first time I’m willing to write about what’s happened, mostly uncensored, for your reading pleasure.

Since I moved to New York I started dating. Yes, real dating. This means dinners and drinks and movies and whatnot and letting him pay (apparently there’s pride involved) and sex and feelings and complications and mess. I hate dating, really. If I had a pool of attractive friends I could sleep with on a regular basis, that would be fine (sorry mom, but it’s true.) I would be much happier with a really wonderful group of friends (which I’ve got) and someone to keep me warm at night.

Unfortunately, my experiences in dating have thus far been duds. We’re talking a few weeks max. We’re talking I don’t trust the guy for the first week or so, and as soon as I let him in just a tiny bit, he turns around and slams my face in the dirt. The same thing used to happen in middle school with my two friends, who were actually frenemies, who would pretend to be mad at me and say “ask the other person” – it was very hot and cold – one minute we’d be best friends, the next, cold turkey.

I’ve never really understood that aspect of “dating.” That moment of panic, usually in men, where someone realizes they’re getting in too deep and have to sabotage and run away as fast as humanly possible. The past 3 men that I’ve dated have done just this:
Week 1: this is the crush. the “getting to know you” part. the part where you make out all night and decide if sleepovers are a good idea.
Week 2: this is where dudes seal the deal, I usually give up my whole “natalies got a wall up” bit, and then im stuck. I’m smitten kitten. congrats, you’ve tricked me.
Week 3: Run. Run as fast as you can. This is when phone calls do not get returned. This is when people get “busy”. This is the panic. This is what separates boys from the men.

It’s happened so many times at this point I’ve kind of accepted it as what dating is… what do you mean it’s not three weeks of mind crushing happy chemicals only to be ripped away a few weeks later? I am tired of these boys… and I think I’ve finally learned my lesson.

Congratulations, Men of New York City. you’ve created a new Natalie, and she’s more guarded and suspicious than before. She’s not going to answer your phone calls like she used to. She’s probably going to passive aggressively act out towards you. I would avoid her at all costs, to be honest. These revelations in my dating life are recent, but will be enforced starting today. Dating can be fun – believe me, I’ve had a good time, and I will continue to pursue – but when someone freaks out and cant communicate, that’s when I’ve got to take a hint and bounce. I’ve got to take what little dignity I’ve got left and remind myself that I deserve someone who’s going to treat me like the first week every day.