where are we going

December 9, 2010

It’s fascinating to judge someone else’s romantic situation. I can barely fucking keep track of my own. I’m trying my best not to judge others lately… been learning a bit in CBT about how easily people judge people and don’t even realize it (eg: some fucktard slams into you on the subway and your instinct is “WHAT A FUCKTARD. GIVE ME SOME FUCKING SPACE.” when in reality we’re all trapped on the subway like sardines and maybe it was an accident… i know, its SHOCKING.)

So judgement, yes. I am doing my best not to do it. It’s making me a far calmer person, but it’s giving me a really shit time when people do LEGITIMATELY stupid things and I keep my mouth shut about it. My new official stance is to judge based on facts, and not enable or discourage the behavior of others. For example, if you introduce yourself to me at a party, and you make out with three different people in front of me, I’m not going to judge you for being a whore. Sure, you’ve put the facts in front of me – If I’m seeing you do it, its undeniable – but for reals, if you’re not making out with my boyfriend/fling/friend/whatever, then it’s really not my problem. Go catch whatever STDs make you happy and just don’t use my chapstick, thanks.

There are still little things that I slightly judge. I’m catching myself do it. I’m learning from this mistake. Probably the hardest part is keeping my mouth shut. For example:
Friend: Hey my exboyfriend called and he wants me to come over tonight.
Me: Oh.
Friend: Yeah, I don’t know how I totally feel about it because he has a girlfriend right now.
Me: Well that’s a tough call.
Friend: Yeah. I think I might do it anyway. I feel kind of like a slut.

That’s when I kind of just tune Friend out. “Old Natalie” would have generally said something like “thats probably a really bad idea” or “youre a whorebag and thats a really terrible decision on both your parts,” but you know what, it’s NOT my problem. In fact, go fuck your exboyfriend and make a mess of things. I just really don’t want to hear you weeping about it later when he doesn’t come running back to you and you start getting nasty text messages from a number you don’t know. I want NOTHING to do with your drama. And as your friend, if thats what you consider me to be considering you’re sharing a lot of horrible-sounding personal information, aren’t you really just asking me for validation of your bad behavior?

It comes off as not caring, sure. But I see it as not enabling. Call it mean, but after a certain point, I’m not your mother, I’m not your best friend – and if it was I WOULD tell you what was on my mind, because something I am CONSTANTLY praised on for the people who know me is my unabashed honesty. That’s “Old Natalie”. She’s definitely still there, and she comes out for the people that love her for what she is… I’m gonna tell you like it is, whether you like it or not. And the people who love me, and who I love, take it with a grain of salt, have a great laugh at someone else’s expense, and then probably make better decisions because of it. I’m like a modern day Motherfucking Theresa. (sorry is that offensive? hmm. too bad. sowwy.)

So basically, if you’re trying to get me to validate your lifestyle, and it seems like I don’t give a shit, I probably don’t. Grow a pair and resort to your shitty friends that will lie to you about your nasty behavior.


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