How to deal with your nemesis

February 24, 2011

I wrote a pretty long post about this originally and then decided that bitch was a total waste of my energy.

Here’s what this breaks down to…
How to deal with your nemesis:
1. Avoid talking about them.. What better way to get back at someone who’s a major asshole then ignoring their existence! “Who? Oh that chick? Haven’t spoken to her in a year. I hope she is having a lovely life in whatever pasture they put her out to die in. Have you tried the wings here? I hear they’re AMAZING!”
2. When you do run into them, continue to pretend like they don’t exist. Oh, hi? Is that you? Oh. You’re still a horrible person? KBYE
3. Act normally. This person is officially a complete stranger, and unless they’re a 6’4″ skinny jeaned hipster hottie, I’m not gonna spend any extra time staring at you in a bar. She’s just some chick who’s overdressed and trying too hard on a date at a dive bar, so definitely text your gays and inform them that you ran into this shitshow at your bar and you would like to kick her in the poonani, but you know better, and then get distracted by your whiskey. Oh, and when she has the audacity to SIT AT THE TABLE NEXT TO YOURS, keep having a fabulous time, because she just ordered the dumbest drink on the cocktail menu and is making this guy work too hard for her loosie goosie poon. Yep. You heard me. Pretty sure that ish is dirty, so wrap it up dude. I should have passed him a note or something. Smoke signals. Morse code. Something. Sorry dude.

It helped that I looked big pimpin with two dudes on my arm and that this chick had to “Psssst!” at me to get my attention. Whatever. Stop wasting my time and find a bar on your side of the neighborhood so I don’t have to see your snotty smirk anymore. In fact, please move across the country so we don’t have to breathe the same air right now as you use so much of it talking shit and then get really confused as to why you don’t have any friends in New York.

I think that’s about all I’m going to say about that today, as I’ve already wasted enough time and breath on someone who went out of their way to be cruel to me after I made a huge effort to be a welcoming and supportive friend. HAVE A NICE LIFE, PSYCHO.

Update (3-1-11): This was a really ugly post. I apologize for y’all having to see that… I should tell you how I REALLY feel 😛

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