Free Ride

April 11, 2011

We’re 10 months in and I’m only getting the message now.
A lack of reciprocation has been such a droning busy signal.
I’ve been waiting on the line
mistaking curiosity for interest.
Respect in place of lust for the same thing.
Our love not for each other, but for our favorite sex positions.

I put my feelings on the table:
Three courses. Expensive wine.
You refuse to buy into romance.
I told myself it was charming
and made excuses time after time
I’m laughing in my own face

took advantage of my willingness to please
my inability to say no, cry emotional rape.
I’m left whining like some 16 year old
who doesn’t understand why adults are the way they are
still thinking that our parents are flawless, that they don’t make mistakes
our only difference is we don’t have children to embarrass ourselves in front of.
instead our children get to look back
and laugh at our facebook pages
and shitty prose we once posted on the internet.

I hope my children realize I’m not perfect early so they’re slightly less judgmental
less cruel and critical, less like me.
the only thing I can imagine that could be worse
is waking up next to the bad boy
and him telling me it’s my turn to get up feed the baby

so the next time you call
dont be shocked if i hang up the phone
after telling you I’m tired of waiting
tired of giving you a free ride, void of emotion and respect.
I know it’s what I signed up for, but it’s not what I want anymore.

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