Grammy Thoughts:

February 9, 2009

In backwards order…

– Why are Robert Plant and Allison Kraus winning everything? I think maybe Led Zeppelin qualifies you to win every grammy your nominated for. Too bad. Team Radiohead!
– I think I am one of the only people in the world who isn’t into Green Day. Sorry.
– Allison Kraus looks like she’s had some work done. But I wont lie, she looks pretty good.
– GO AWAY ZOOEY. YOU HAVE STOLEN BEN GIBBARD FROM ME AND NOW YOU MUST PAY.
– Lil Wayne won? Ew. I wanted Lupe to have it. He’s lookin so hotttt. Why the fuck are there 300 people on stage for lil Wayne? Props for a concise speech tho.
– Is Solange Jay-Z’s date?
– Will.i.am will not shut the fuck up about Obama and it’s starting to piss me off. T.Pain just tried to make a joke about being on everyone’s album.
– I’m not really into this New Orleans tribute. These dancers with the umbrellas make it hard for me to take it seriously. Also the cameras are having a hard time following everyone… it looks UBER disorganized.
– why is lil wayne not singing the lady cop song? and good lord Robin Thicke has still got it… boners.
– this guy introducing lil wayne is really suffering through it hahaha
– okay i just read on Perez Hilton that Rhianna and Chris Brown aren’t there because Chris Brown got arrested for hitting Rhianna. What?
– WOAH BO DIDDILY TRIBUTE WITH JOHN MAYER, BB KING AND KEITH URBAN? You know, Keith Urban is really working his performance time this year. as is John Mayer, apparently.
– this “encore” thing is flying by… it reminds me of how intense the academy awards one is gonna be this year… one of the writer/producers of lil waynes “lollipop” died. go figure.
– this is like neil diamond doing a cover of a neil diamond cover band. i am eating up the fact paul mccartney looks like he’s having the time of his life. i feel like people are applauding for him because they have to.
– is Josh Groban balding?
– This four tops tribute is hysterical. Jamie Foxx and Neyo were interesting choices… hahahaha scratch that, Jamie Foxx was a poor choice. He just raped, I mean rapped, a verse of the song. Actually he spoke in rhythm… totally different thing.
-The head of the academy of recording arts, is the biggest dork ever. He tries so hard to be cool every time he’s on stage, but he just ends up sounding like the lamest stiff ever.
– But back to T.I., when he goes to jail, I think he’s gonna get props like Martha Stewart did. Badass.
– Still not over that Radiohead performance.
– T.I. and Justin Timberlake. I think that’s one of my dream threesome senarios. I gotta give T.I. props for going to jail with his head held high. This is a pretty sick colabo.
– I’m trying to think of significant acting roles that Samuel L Jackson has had besides that guy in Pulp Fiction, Shaft, and Snakes on a Plane. He gets a lot of street cred for not being much of an actor…
– OMG RADIOHEAD YOU ARE SLAYING ME. USC MARCHING BAND YOU ARE SLAYING ME. THIS IS AWESOMENESS. HOLY CRAP I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN GET OVER THIS. one day i will see you live, thom… one day.
– OH Gwyneth. You look just silly. You sound silly. What are you doing.
– Oh GOD Adele is incredible. I can’t stop gushing about how fucking badass she is.
– Sugarland is growing on me? Both of those ladies voices are undeniably awesome.
– JAY MOHR GO AWAY
– For the past few years they’ve been handing out Lifetime Achievements like condoms in the health center.
– John Mayer brought a man-date. But way to win buddy. It’s been awhile since he’s been recognized for anything I think. However, the suit he’s wearing is unforgivable. Let Jen dress you next time honey.
– Good lord thats the best Jack Black has looked in years. Attakid.
– Can’t wait for new survivor, amazing race, and Harpers Island.
– Okeydokey, why are the grammys showing rehersal footage of the upcoming performances before the commercials? I think thats a really shatty choice because they just showed Adele without her makeup and it really didn’t do her justice. It would be like showing Amy Winehouse sober.
– Paul McCartney made a brilliant choice: not playing anything off of his new album. Dave Grohl is still one of the badassest rockstars ever.
– MIA might be the most pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. The song, kind of an overrated performance, but entertaining, sure. Nobody got shot, I see it as a win.
– Totally fast-forwarding through Kenny Chesney, like most of America.
– Morgan Freeman is wearing a glove. Michael Jackson style. And he’s introducing Kenny Chesney. This is the weirdest Grammys I’ve ever watched.
– Holy crap. This preview for Watchmen is sick.
– Thank fucking CHRIST Adele won. Go girl. I wish she wasn’t chewing gum.
– Estelle’s backup vocal track is wayyyy too loud. Something is seriously wrong with this performance. I think it’s Kanye’s mullet. That is not a style that is coming back, you tard.
– Katy Perry: props for wearing flats. boo for trying to do choreographed dance moves.
– Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder? Good lord. Did Nick Jonas just forget the lyrics?
– Miley just called Taylor Swift her best friend. I’m trying not to cry I’m laughing so hard. I will give them props for a pretty good performance though… Taylor has been growing on me lately and it’s starting to scare me.
– Chris Martin is the only man in the world that can rock a belly shirt. Fo seriously.
– OMG we all know crack is whack, but Whitney is so banging right now. Ugh she’s a winner.
– Why is U2 opening with karaoke? Booooring.

For the most part, I feel like it wasn’t too bad. The show was pretty entertaining in terms of performances. I give it a 7 out of 10.

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Today is my first day of finals. I use this term “finals” very losely, because it actually means, “final classes.” Apparently nobody got this memo that you have to go to final classes, but in my case, you are just turning a final in. When I called my mother the other night in a sheer depression/panic (unrelated) and mentioned I had three finals on Monday (related), she just about shit herself. She seemed to think I should ignore the rest of my problems and completely focus on studying up until the second I walked in to the classroom. I then explained I had no tests, only papers to turn in, and she seemed relieved. I then explained all the papers were written, and I had nothing left to do except show up to class on Monday and had them in. Easy-Peasey, one-two-threesey.

Here’s the kicker, you spend a solid 2 hours (maybe) sitting around in class and it’s super fucking annoying because that’s 2 housr I could spend playing Sims (guilty pleasure, sue me) or watching Law and Order (not guilty pleasure, bomb-ass pasttime), but instead I’m sitting in a classroom with 16 other people, counting down the seconds until we can run out of the classroom, throw our papers in the air, and scream Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out for the Summer.” But there’s honestlly not that much energy inside of me right now to do that. I wish I could. I’d probably get a littering fine ($25) for throwing papers into the air. No good.

I was outside reading this book I bought (terrible, tempted to return it. Don’t know if I can do it.) And I felt like someone was reading over my shoulder. I quickly realized that absolutely nobody was, but it was actually me, thinking too hard about everything else going on in my life. I was too horrendously distracted by the little demon punching me in the side of the head. No, not a child, but a metaphoric demon. My thoughts beating my own mind to a pulp. It had the tendancy to move me to tears in public places (on the T, in the park, at the store, etc.) and usually when I’m alone. When someone else is with me, I put the little fucker away, and he generally hides in my cheeks and pops out to say something horrendously innappropriate from time to time. (eg: “Why isn’t your boyfriend at the party? How’s he doing?” “Oh, we broke up. He broke up with me, is what I mean. Uh, so he’s probably doing really well right now.” Then there’s a bunch of awkward stares, I usually burst into tears, and then somebody gives me a hug.) You see? My fingers are now possessed by the devil and I no longer wish to type. I want to chop off my fingers and only write ever again by speaking into a mouthpiece that transcribes my thoughts into a wordprocessor. I’ve considered singeing my tearducts closed as well, but something tells me tear buildup cant be healthy, and the day it explodes may flood Boston Common.

Wow. That actually felt kind of good to get out of my system. I feel kind of bad about it, being that I’ve kept that sort of thing private in the past. But something feels unhonest about writing all these things about being sad and having no explaination for it. Somebody asked if someone died. No, nobody died. Just a little bit of me is exposed, and I’m not dealing with it as well as I expected. I should have been expecting the unexpected. Instead I was jumping to conclusions, expecting the expected, and misreading everything. I, subsequently, feel like an idiot.

Have you ever walked from outdoors inside and there’s that second of partial blindness where everything is either blown out or is too dark for you to register much of anything? That’s how my head feels when I’m alone these days. Luckily for me, I haven’t been spending much time alone. I have some really amazing friends that have stepped out from behind the bushes I’ve planted in front of them and are making sure I’m not institutionalized. (Which I don’t think at this point would entirely suck.)

I’m not sure why I’m being so candid about the situation right now, but I think it has something to do with the healing process. I guess putting it on this sort of public forum makes me feel like I’m killing two birds with one stone to a certain extent. I’m healing and I’m writing – two things that make me feel good.

On a related note:
I was at a party last night and everyone was talking about how they missed “Shitshow Natalie.” Let me explain who that is: One afternoon, I was having a conversation with a friend and we thought it would be funny if everyone we knew was a barbie doll, and how many different outfits and “themes” you would have. I have “Normal Natalie,” “Neurotic Natalie,” “Business Natalie,” “Natalie-dresses-herself-without-a-mirror Natalie,” “Sweatpants Natalie,” “Oregon Natalie,” “New York Natalie,” and “Shitshow Natalie.” “Shitshow Natalie” refers to a certain point in my life that I don’t exactly remember (sorry, Mom and Dad. Happens. It’s college.) But there were some seriously hilarious and fun moments that came out of Shitshow Natalie. I don’t remember there being “bad” times at all. (I don’t know if everyone else could say the same, but everyone else seems to like her.) It’s not like I’m schitzophrenic or anything… If my barbie was child-friendly, I guess she would just be called “Party-Time Natalie.”
Anywho, everyone was talking about how they miss “her,” and were looking forward to her possible return. While I was in a relationship, I kind of stopped going out and turned into a hermit homebody. I still have that bit of me inside (I’m not much of a partier anymore; Shitshow Natalie kind of took it out of me) but a part of me wants to go back into the partying scene. I certainly don’t miss it, but I don’t have to consider someone else in my actions anymore. That seems like such a heavy sentence for someone my age (like I’m talking about my own child or something) but that’s how important that relationshis was to me. Now I’m free to do as I please, whenever I want.
I’m not sure where this part of the post was going, but I felt like I just needed to announce the return of “Party-Time Natalie.” I think she’s going on tour in New York, but she’s probably going to be doing it sober, cause alcohol doesn’t go over in her system well. (Thanks low-tolerance genetics.) Which is cool, because I don’t mind being Sober Sally. I think it’s kind of bomb that I can have that much fun without being wasted. Sometimes I consider it a gift.

I hope my future employers/professors/parents don’t judge me for this. Just consider it a hilarious personality trait that you can treasure and use against me later when I show up to the Christmas Party/Finals/Family Reunion.

I would also like to send a shout out to Radiohead for making “In Rainbows.” I know it’s not everyone’s favorite Radiohead album, but it’s the only one that I consider consistently uplifting enough to listen to on repeat right now.

P.S. did not spellcheck any of this and was typing really fast. Get over it.